My Generals

** For my cheerleaders, my best friends, my champions ... please understand the below is just a snapshot of my battle. I'm fine - this is not a  cry for help - this is my heart. Thank you for fighting with me and for me. Your constancy and love continue to humble and rescue me. I love you. **

There are days when things don't seem "okay" and nothing makes sense. I feel like there is a war being waged inside me ... my bones are the barracks, my organs are the hostages ... my heart, the front-lines. I cringe to confess that there are days that I feel like my body has surrendered and all has been lost. Months of prescriptions and half-hearted reassurance from my medical team has worn me down ... and I'm struggling to believe that help is on the way. I don't have a little white flag to signal my surrender and on days when it seems like I'm fighting a losing battle, I am grateful for it's absence. Without an option to throw up my hands and forego the fight, I am forced to push through the fear and hopelessness ... to find whatever remains in what I feel are the ruins of my body, and turn the rubble into a war-machine. Cause on days when things don't seem "okay" and nothing makes sense, you are there. You are my Generals. You are my hope. If you tell me it will be okay, then it will. And so I gather myself and using you as marker, I fight. 

All is not lost. 
I'll never be lost. 
You wouldn't leave me behind. 
You are there.